I’m reading a book titled, the Book of Awakening, by Mark Nepo. It contains inspirational readings for each day of the year. Each one starts with a poem or quote followed by a short essay and then a series of simple exercises to help the reader contemplate the message.
The book was given to Becky by her close friend Candice to help her through her illness. I would occasionally read it to her, sometimes when she was awake and sometimes when she was asleep. Since Becky’s death I have continued to read the daily passages.
The reading for October 13th is titled Wisdom of the Torn Heart and begins with the poem,
A flag goes boneless as it assumes
the shape of the wind that snaps it
and so I love.
Nepo uses the analogy of flags and fabric as a meditation on living life in either a rigid or flexible way. He quotes the poet Rilke, “I want to unfold. I don’t want to stay folded anywhere, because where I am folded, there I am a lie.”
The point, as I understand it, is that being folded restricts us, confines us to a small existence that shuns the winds of the spirit which are the winds of being alive. It is only when we unfold and allow ourselves to catch the wind that we can be shaped in new and wondrous ways that permits us to grow as human beings. To do this it is necessary to move beyond our fears of change and loss that keep us tightly, folded in on ourselves.
I believe that what Nepo is saying is that living life in a tightly folded manner only invites the breaking of the spirit when we are impacted by life’s changes. Whereas if we stay flexible and deal with life’s vagaries by accepting and adapting, we stay free to continue to grow. Nepo writes, “… this is not easy, as all of our bad experiences and protective upbringing has us ready to resist anything sudden or powerful. Yet even when we trip and fall, we learn soon enough that it is the arm that stiffens and resists that breaks. Often our resistance only makes things worse.”
To underline his point Nepo quotes Lao-Tzu, the ancient Chinese sage, “The hard and stiff will be broken. The soft and supple will prevail … Whoever is stiff and inflexible is a disciple of death. Whoever is soft and yielding is a disciple of life.”
Does this mean that we should acquiesce and accept all changes unconditionally? Nepo says, “So, to stay amongst the living, we are asked to summon the courage not to resist. This is different from turning the other cheek or submitting to dominant forces in our lives. Rather, this is meeting the world in all of its painful variety with feet spread and arms open, neither accepting everything nor rejecting everything, but leaning into what is nourishing and letting the rest move on through.”
Nepo concludes by suggesting that by letting our hearts unfurl in the full wind of life and accepting the inevitable fraying and tearing that will occur, we become more resilient. “For it is the slight rips we suffer that let through the blasts too painful to carry.”
Today, it is even more difficult because there are people and institutions that promote fear and use it in an attempt to force us into the rigid confines of their lives. Their fear is a dark wind blowing across the land.
I stand with my feet wide and my arms outstretched, feeling the winds of sorrow, fear, and change. My tattered flag molds itself to the currents of life and allows the darkness to pass through and be blown away. I have faith in my resilience and know that I can yield and bend and rise again. I am becoming.